Thursday, September 3, 2015

Lessons I've Learned From Disney - Part 1

Guest Author: Elaine White
This article is by Elaine White. All opinions are her own.
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Never kiss a frog - he may be a prince but there’s no guarantee that he’s kind, rich, handsome or any of the important things. - Princess and the Frog
Never make a deal with a lady who promises you the world, has two eels as bodyguards and a garden full of dead seaweed that used to be people. It will end badly. - Little Mermaid.
Hakuna Matata can make everything better - The Lion King
Don’t make a deal with Hades for the love of your life to love you back. You just know he’s going to fall for some younger, cheap version of you and run off with her, leaving you all along, having sold your soul to Hades. You can’t even bargain to get your revenge because you sold your soul, you’ve got nothing left to bargain with. - Hercules
If you have a crazy step-mother, two crazy step-sisters and they absolutely hate you to the bone, make you do everything for them and then try to keep you out of sigh - DO NOT, under any circumstances go to a ball, dance with a Prince in front of them and then return home without even an exit strategy. You know they’re going to find out, and you know they are going to try to stop you from being with him. Have exit plans A, B, C and D just in case. - Cinderella
When three godmothers have protected you and loved you your whole life, don’t throw it all away for a boy you’ve only just met and think you’re in love with. You’re only sixteen, you don’t know everything and you don’t know that the dude you ‘love’ is the same dude you’re promised to marry. - Sleeping Beauty
When a creepy voice comes out of the fireplace and tells you to follow, then touch the sharp pointy part of a spindle DON’T DO IT! Are you crazy? That voice could be, and is, the voice of a crazy psychopath who wants you dead. - Sleeping Beauty
Looks aren’t everything. Look at Gaston - everyone thinks he’s ‘so dreamy’ and yet he’s not even good looking. Everyone thinks the Beast (real name Adam by some sources) is grotesque and ugly. In reality, it’s the other way around - Gaston is the weird looking, ugly dude and the Beast, and Prince ‘Adam’ are pretty good looking. Always keep that in mind. - Beauty and the Beast.
If a guy sees you and is attracted to you, but later can’t recognise you because you can’t speak DUMP him. He’s obviously an idiot. Because no matter how good looking Eric may be, he can’t see that Ariel is right in front of him and the old hag wearing her voice is nothing like the real girl he loves. That, my friends, is what we call a Moron. - Little Mermaid.
If an evil Queen wants you dead, you don’t go flouncing around outside your safe little cottage, making deals with old hags. You’re asking for trouble. - Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
If you take up with crooks, smoke cigars and play pool at the age of 10, then you deserve to be turned into a Donkey - Pinocchio
If you think happy thoughts anything is possible - except flying, because we were not made with wings - Peter Pan
If you steal your brothers crown, go wandering through the woods in a carriage laden with gold and jewels, expect to be robbed. Sooner rather than later - Robin Hood
When you’ve been kicked around your whole life, treated like scum and you suddenly meet a wizard - learn your lessons well, pull that sword from the stone and then suck it up and be King - The Sword in the Stone
When the Red Queen says ‘off with her head’, that’s your cue to run - Alice in Wonderland.

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